JC's Highs, Lows, and general shouting. | |
InadequateMost people are unaware of the human feelings on the other side of the screen.On November 4th 2007 the world lost it's sunshine, in the form of my brother Edward. People would think I'd be over it by now, but I still find myself in this low spot... everything seems duller here and it blocks my view of the world. I am not incapable of being happy. I can become elated. I can laugh, I can play, I can tease. But deep inside of me there is still this pit of dread and unwant. When I am alone and there are no distractions I find myself poking at my imperfections. My weight. My awkwardness. My inability to cope with my feelings. People would say, "You just need more confidence." Any confidence inspired within me is often short lived and crushed by memories of taunts and torture. I can still hear my brother telling me I'd never amount to anything but a pole dancer. Practicing ballet made me a whore, along with going for walks in my leotard. Running away from harsh yelling made me a pussy. For a long time I believed it. I think it has marked me forever, a scar that makes me incapable of truly seeing a beautiful girl in the mirror. Any beauty that I may have previously believed I had was snatched away from me when one of the few people who made me feel good about myself was really with someone else. I can't call it cheating, I guess we were never really dating to begin with. He just pitied me, didn't want me to kill myself because I was so sick of feeling wrong. Bad. I started seeking out comfort in anorexia. I figured maybe if I was pretty that would be one less inadequacy to pick at. But I guess, in a most literal sense, I fail at failing. I can't keep myself from eating. Occasionally I can fast for one, maybe even two days. And just as suddenly as I started I find my fist in a cookie jar, my lips around a bottle of soda. And I continue to feel inadequate. And the cycle continues. I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if I had friends I could put my feelings into. I wouldn't want to hurt my friends anymore, though. They all have their own depressing lives to deal with. I wouldn't want to burden them with the weight of another hurting friend. What could they do, anyway? Pat my back? Tell me it'll be alright? Take me to the counselor? I don't like confiding my feelings in any specific person, especially adults. I really don't like sympathy, either. I just wish the sun would shine more often. Light my way to happier times... --- Tamagotchi Topsites ---I am VERY proud to say :
Keep VOTING and VISITING to help move the site up the list until we're in the TOP 5!!! ~Shawdy~ V5Wellll i have updated the website alot..The V5 page has been massively updated. I still have to put the codes on it though...then it'll be complete. Im also adding a new page , arcade, etc. so that the users can b visting more nd hve some fun! ...Well I forgot to update the log so thats why some info is missing. For my current 4th and 3rd gen v5's..i was away and had no interenet access so i couldnt keep a complete log so i updated with wat i remembered.V5 - Cotton CandyB-Day: July 10 2008 Gen: 1 Sex: Male Bonding: 40% Family Type: Blended Family Stages: Futabatchi -> Mattaritchi -> Bakutchi -> Siblings: (F) Mimifuwatchi -> Sakuramotchi -> Ichigotchi -> (M) Omutchi -> Ahirukutchi -> Mamekatchi -> Parent Figures: Marriage: ------------------------------------------
B-Day: July 2008 Gen: 2 Sex: Female Bonding: 30% Family Type: Blended Family Stages: Futabatchi -> Mattaritchi -> Bakutchi -> Watatchi Siblings: (F) Mimifuwatchi -> Sakuramotchi -> Ichigotchi -> Lovezukintchi (M) Omutchi -> Ahirukutchi -> Mamekatchi -> Uhotchi Parent Figures: Kasiratchi & Okugatchi Marriage: Watatchi + Hatsugathci -> 3eggs ------------------------------------------- B-day: July 23 2008 Gen: 3 Sex: Male Bonding: 10% Family Type: Blended Family Stages: Mimifuwatchi -> Mousetchi -> Bakutchi -> Uhyotchi Sublings: (F) Mimifuwatchi -> Sakuramotchi -> -> Watatchi (M) Futabatchi ->Ahirukutchi -> -> Mukugetchi Parent Figures: MemeMamatchi & PapaMametchi Marriage: petite male + Watatchi -> 3egg (PETITE FAMILY) ------------------------------------------- B-day: August 10 2008 Gen: 4 Sex: Male Bonding: 0% Family Type: Blended Family Stages: Omutchi -> Sublings: (F) Omutchi -> (M) Futabatchi -> Parent Figures: MemeMamatchi & PetiOyatchi Marriage: Famitama PageWell, My V5 or Famitama page is going to be updated ASAP. I'm busy working on it right now. I'm taking a break to update here. By Sunday, 12AM, the latest the new page will be displayed. Famitama is pretty cool. Anyway, back to work!!! YayYes! I haven't started any of my v4s. Infact one is still in the package. I'll look after those when these current ones I have running batteries die out. Anyway, I think the V5 is pretty cool. Well...bye for now..my logs keep getting updated daily. My Familitchi/V5 - Groovy TimeB-Day: July 1 2008 Gen: 1 Sex: Male Bonding: 100% Family Type: Blended Family Stages: Mimifuwatchi -> Mousetchi -> Korokotchi -> Furikotchi Siblings: (F) Futabatchi -> Tororotchi -> Shelltchi -> Violetchi (M) Omotchi ->Ahikurutchi -> Mamekatchi -> Mumutchi Marriage: Violetchi + Sukatchi -> 2 eggs ------------------------------------------
B-day: July 10 2008 Gen: 2 Sex: Female Bonding: 60% Family Type: Violet Family Stages: Mimifuwatchi -> Violetchi Sublings: (M) Omutchi -> Kizatchi Parent Figures: MamaVioletchi & PapaKizatchi Marriage: Violetchi + Nemutchi -> 3 eggs ------------------------------------------ B-day: July 13 2008 Gen: 3 Sex: Male Bonding: 60% Family Type: Blended Family Stages: Futabatchi -> Furikotchi Sublings: (F) Futabatchi -> Violetchi (M) Mimifuwatchi -> Nemutchi Parent Figures: MamaMametchi & PapaPatchi Marriage: Nemutchi + Lovezukintchi -> 3 eggs ------------------------------------------- B-day: July 23 2008 Gen: 4 Sex: Female Bonding: 20% Family Type: Blended Family Stages: Mimifuwatchi -> Sakuramotchi -> Chamametchi -> Lovezukintchi Sublings: (M) Mimifuwatchi -> Mousetchi -> -> Hatugatchi (F) Omutchi -> Torororitchi -> -> Watatchi
Parent Figures: PapaPatchi & Mamametchi Marriage: Watatchi + Mukugetchi -> 3eggs ------------------------------------------- B-day: August 10 2008 Gen: 5 Sex: Male Bonding: 0% Family Type: Blended Family Stages: Futabatchi -> Sublings: (F) Futabatchi -> (M) Omutchi -> Torororitchi -> -> Watatchi
Parent Figures: PapaPatchi & MemeMamatchi Marriage: They Arrived!!!!!MY 2 V4's and 1 of my V5's have arrived!!! Well...when I do get it started I'll post up its stats!
Thats it for now!!! Ahhh :) RelaxedWell...Although I do have some pressure with having time to update, I'm quite relaxed. I have updated a bit, besides that. I have added the Jobs chart and the spoiler for the V4.5 page. The V4.5 Growth Chart is SOON complete! Everything is getting done, slowly but surely!
Anyhoo, time for me to get some rest!!! New GotchisWell, I've ordered me 2 V4's and 2 V5's. I have to go to the post office to pick them up however. I can't wait to start them up! I currently have only my V1 running because I only have one battery. I'm ALWAYS out of batteries Anyway..that's all for now! V1 Connection - Orange w/ burstsWell i guess i've never blogged my v1's....well i just started this little fella up and here are the stats. Generation: 5 Gender: Girl Name: Nana Age: 7 Training: FULL Weight: 34lbs Stage: Maskutchi -------------------------- Generation: 6 Gender: Girl Name: Rain Age: 0 Training: 2 Weight: 10lbs Stage: ShiroBebitchi -> Marutchi (Battery OUT) Finally!!!Well first of all I have FINALLY got a new look for Tama-Yama-Wuv !!! Secondly - I've been working on the charts for the V4.5 and V5 pages of the web. I'm getting there slowly but surely. I'm working as fast and as efficient as I can people!!! I'll have up the important stuff ASAP! Anyway this is just a quick update after my VERY long absence to tamagotchi land. Shawdy - signing out! Oh by the way for those of you wondering how the old template looked visit the following link http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b271/tamababe05/untitled.jpg A good dayWell, the second term breaks are over (Holy week and Feria). In Feria I went to Barcelona with my great friend Elisenda. ^_^However, yesterday we got back to school again, however, amazingly, EVERYONE in my 10th grade year has treated me well. :p One boy that used to not be very nice to me lets say, I helped him the day before through MSN with Social Science homework (it's very difficult, though I got 10/10 mark ^_^) and thanked me for it and said he wouldn't bother me again. I am not so sure about the last bit, but so far he's behaved pretty well, and has said a few good things about me for once, haha. Some other quite round boy that I privately nicknamed Burbuja (Bubble) for his shape, who I used to not like very much (he was a bit rough), although ever since I gave him a tissue some day in class he seems to have been quite nice to me. Being nice in 10th grade in his case means: * Not hitting me on the head for getting late to open the door * Saying good morning, good bye, and not being rough or telling me to go die. So anyway, after being amazed at how they've changed their behaviour, at least for two straight days which is a record, I have also seen my best friends again, (as well as Eli, whom I've seen all week, hehe), so I am quite happy. The exams we had have also come out to my satisfaction and I think I've done well. I just noticed I only ever seem to update when I am particularly happy, although I admit that I have also quite a few bad days in between. I recall a few times I've come back reeeeeally fed up from the Sport's Centre because of the first person spoken about up there (following me about, pushing me about, saying I excited him WTH, pushing my bag...) Anyway, luckily, on Thursdays (Sport Centre Day) is also the day when afterwards I go back to school to stay in the library with my best friend (and I think crush too) to write a book we started a long time ago and go every week to write more, so when I am fed up he will often be there to make me feel a bit happier and the last person I talk to that day be someone decent. ^_^ Yay!Exams are over!Nothing can be better than that, but yes, the exams are over. :) Well, I am sure there are tons of better things than a set of exams being over, but I feel relieved they have ended. Mortal Social Science was quite mortal, although in the end I got an 8 and a 9 out of 10, which was better than I expected, but less than I hoped. Holy week has started and I won't be on much. Got tons of homework and have to go to Portugal. =( 4 exams leftI know I should be studying...I've been studying for three hours and a half, and you could say my brain has turned itself off for a rest, and thought of nothing better to do than come here (which is a good thing, but I don't know if blogging is good before exams). Well... since over the weekend I updated my fotolog, blogspot and blogia (hahaha) then blogagotchi shouldn't stay behind. My fotolog is in Spanish and not really about my life. Blogspot is a story blog. Shareable. Blogia blog is in Spanish and is ridiculous. Anyway, the four exams we have less have the two most mortal exams within them... So far we have done Biology & Geology, German, Language, English, Physics & Chemistry and Philosophy. In Philosophy they caught someone cheating. I can assure you that in Spain people cheat tons, but don't always get caught. I don't cheat... Well, once or twice I might have done -something-, but I don't think it counts really as cheating, because I already know what to write, and generally it is during non-serious exams (that may not even count in the mark). In general I know all my theory and such already, so if I were trying to copy I'd just go slower. Two of the exams left are mortal. Mathematics. Supposedly not a problem for me, but maths exams are still mortal. At least we don't need trigonometry in this one (phew!) and the last exam, the killing one, Social Sciences, a total slaughterhouse. Back to SchoolThis week my exams begin. Wish me luck. =[They begin Thursday, end the Wednesday after. Thursday: German and Biology & Geology Friday: Lengua and English Monday: Physics & Chemistry and Philosophy Tuesday: Mathematics and Technology Wednesday: I.P. and Social Science As you can see, two exams per day. >_< Very stressful. I have been singing Cantata n147 to relieve stress in Japanese. The song goes something like: "Manshuu ni kakeru kono kokoro-iki wa dare ni mo makezu ni tsuyoi keredo, oeba nigeru chou no you na tsuki o sarige ni yobiyoseru omajinai no uta da yo" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nB3KVSBz4Ls I really like this song. :) PuenteIn Spain when we have a day off school/work that links to the weekend, (like a Friday off or a Monday off), or sometimes a Thursday or a Tuesday and we get the Friday and the Monday off with it.When I was little and people used to ask me what I would do during the "Puente" I used to think there was some kind of bridge (puente means bridge) that we all had to visit. Anyway, yesterday was the 28th of February and also el Día de Andalucía, and since I live in Andalucía, that was a day off. And because of the puente, Friday is off too, so it was like having a four day holiday. This holiday I should be studying for my exams next week, although yesterday I went to G's house to write, and did quite a few things, so not much chance to study yesterday. :) We actually had quite a bit of fun. And it was warm and sunny, so it was like a preview of Summer. Apart from writing (objective of the visit), we also played on the terrace and went out for a ride on a golden bike. xD G's dog has also had puppies, so I saw them again too. Today however, I decided I'd get a move on with these books I have to read. One is "Las bicicletas son para el verano", so I watched the film and read a few passages from the book a long with it. Most of it coincides. Now all I have to do is read the book because I know more or less what happens. In the film nothing is changed luckily. Later on I'll study Physics and Chemistry, and get on with these books. :) Also do German homework. Tomorrow I'll probably end up going to the cinema, because my friends want me to come. But I guess that is a story I can tell tomorrow. :) Anyway, I am quite pleased too because this year I understand all the history I have studied properly, and I was able to watch that film understanding who everyone was, and when there was a mention of "famous people" I knew who they were speaking about (it was set in the Spanish Civil War). I also had a dream last night, which was semi-lucid too. I won't write out the dream now, but I can see where all the different parts of the dream come from too. HappinessHi blog, and blogreaders (if I have any xD)...A long time, as always and as usual. Next week my second evaluation exams start. *shiver* I have had of course tons of exams anyway, some have gone better than others. I was asked Social Science once and totally fluffed it. I actually knew it and all, but I was asked in front of everybody, but I got nervous and went blank. I also got ill at the end of last week. I remember feeling sad, because my friends said they'd ring me but they weren't able to in the end. Anyway, their excuses were good enough. On the Saturday I went to write at G's house, and then M the magician joined us in because he was 'bored'. This ended up in watching Paprika, a lovely film which I have watched once before, and very happily watched again. On Monday, incredible, but people were happy to see me back. *_* And then, the Social Science teacher told me he was going to have to ask me the following day! Scary for me, but since I had to go to the Sport's Centre to recover an exam I had not done the last Thursday (I was ill), I arranged with him to meet him at 4th hour and he would ask me. I asked him what he would ask me: "Oh... One question about the world and one question about the history of Spain". So UNhelpful, because that basically meant studying everything. Anyway, that afternoon, after my Japanese class, I didn't have enough class, but I learnt part of Spanish history "de pe a pa" (perfectly). I didn't know it before. As for the world, I know all about that more or less, and the Spanish civil war and Franco, I just hope he won't ask me that... So, I went on Tuesday, and he asked me what I had been able to study most yesterday. On normal occasions I would have thought this a trick question to ask what I didn't know, but since he knows I am a truthful person, and I said the day before I had Japanese and didn't have 100% time to study, then I answered what I had studied: "Mainly Spanish history, from the beginning till right before the civil war". His questions were veeeery hard, but I answered correctly. B-) I was happy again. Although I had only got 8/10 approx in my German exam... I don't get this, 1 point off for having crossed out a sentence I didn't want to present? And then, in the afternoon today, I went to the Sports Centre with my old year. Waaaaaaaaah!! I was soooo happy -^____^- Lots of people asked me why I was there, and they seemed happy to see me. So happy me, so happy me. I saw my old PE-friend (the one I used to whizz about with). And they only asked me ONCE if I liked G (I often get this asked many more times, although I think people don't say anything anymore because they think I am already his girlfriend or something), which is quite a record because last year I would hear nothing else. Going there, G sat next to me on the bus, and on the way back too. And after begging a KitKat with E from him, you could say we had a nice time. As for the PE exam, just as well you can repeat it... The objective is to bounce a ball through cones, get in two baskets, move with feet, etc, etc as fast as possible. For girls, 36-38 (can't remember which) seconds is good, and for boys 34. More than 45-55 seconds is BAAAAD. E went first. 50 seconds. For girls that is a pass. Then went G. 40 seconds. He seemed chuffed. Apparently he used to be no good at this. Then me... I think the world must have been against me, because I am often not to bad at this (practice makes perfect) but today... I accidentally skipped a cone, wouldn't get the ball in the basket. No matter how much I shot, it wouldn't go in. Then with the feet, I went slower than usual. Couldn't lift ball up. Missed next few baskets, and totally embarassed I get back to starting point. 62 seconds. World spins, and stops. =[ Fail. LUCKILY -- you can do it twice, so I had another chance. E did 66 seconds. Not happy. G did 64 seconds. Not happy, but still happy, because it is the best mark which counts, and he had 40. My turn (I had to go last because I am not from their year). I remembered what I had said to someone before to not to worry, that they could do it, all they had to do was... G told me not to worry, just imagine the basket was a boss-level enemy that you killed with two shots. I pointed out that I would sooner kill it with one shot. ^_^ So, with a nice frame of mind, I set off the second time. The ball went fine, it went in each baskets, and I think I did it all very well. 37.8 seconds. Wheeee!!! G and E - not happy xD Anyway, when we went back on the bus, I sat next to G again, and back at the school we saw E's new glasses (she needed glasses, G discovered that she saw better through his glasses, and I took her to the optician about 6 months later). So she got glasses, and now we all have glasses except the magician. Another thing about the sport's centre, another boy (with glasses too), called El for short in this blog, had forgotten his PE clothes. I gave him a small copy, size 12 (I wore the size 14). It went fine to him, but I think he was embarassed because it looked very small on him. Hehehee... After seeing E's glasses, my bag was very heavy, but for some reason I followed G to one of his old friend's houses to give them homework. Anyway, it has been a very nice day today. :) I have come out very pleased from it... I was not happy a couple of weeks ago, but not I feel ace, apart from a light cold which is the reminiscence of my ear-ache and bad cold from last week. Yes... It's nice to have mature friends... Speaking of maturity, yesterday I remember a very philosophical conversations, where G, M, E and I all argued about: - How to build time machines - Dimensions - How to solve brain problems - What is time? - What is infinite? - What is outside the universe And plenty more, but with our own private theories. There was a little group of 7th graders listening and tittering by us, but I think they enjoyed our conversation. :) I love talking with these people, you can have a REAL conversation, they are not immature, think 'badly', and make you feel happy. Yes... It's good to have friends. <3 :) I wish I'd found better friends when I was younger, but maybe the fact I had bad friends when I was younger meant I did not turn into a nasty person like them. :) Hey!Yay! I'm awe-some-happy! =DWell... I just had to put a silly-looking sentence for an update. Now I will put in the specifications of my happiness. Anyone remember the 'new-kid'? :D Extract from old entry: "Later on, he seemed to be crying through maths, and hiding it. For some reason, that awfully reminded me of myself when I was younger... I used to be a lot more sensitive when I was smaller, and I would cry in the same sort of way, trying to avoid people seeing me. When the class finished I decided I would ask him if he wanted me to help him with maths (because if he came from another institute with a bad reputation, and ours is one of the best, there are probably things he has missed out on). He didn't say anything right then, so I just smiled, and went back to my seat. Next when I turned round, he was behind me, and asked if I could help him the next day. "Sure" (since I don't have much to do at playtimes)." Well, I have no idea if I continued to relate about this person, but I will say that he became our new best friend, and still is. As of today, I have known him for exactly a year and week. =D This year I don't hang round with the two girls I did last year. One left the school, and the other one, whenever I see her I give her her hug and we talk, but she often stays playing basketball and I stay with my newish group of friends, composed of Elisenda (from now on Eli), new kid (G) from last year and two more boys (E and M). Yesterday it was E's birthday. We celebrated it. Eventually, haha. The story behind it: G and I didn't really know what to give E, so we had decided to meet at 14:10 at a certain bustop to buy him something. My mother didn't let me take her mobile because she needed it (¬¬), so I got off the bustop to find no one there, meaning G had made a mistake. After hanging around, I had to go through shops to change 20€ into coins to access a phone box. Finally, I managed it. I rang all of G's numbers (just as well I know them off by heart). No answer. Phone box swallows. money. I phone my mother. Tell her to ring G and tell him to come to MY bustop. I wait for 15 minutes, he turns up. I am not angry anymore because of how long I have been waiting, but I have to say something: "Blow your nose" All in peace. =D We went round the different shops, but without really looking. We bumped into three people from school, so I bet they thought *something*. G and I then went to his house to design E's birthday card. We had a good time designing it although we haven't finished it yet. I don't know what E will think of it though... it is not the most educative of birthday cards. Then, at 17:30 we headed to the cinema. The film we wanted to see (REC) was not on, so we had to watch Alien VS. Predator 2. There was no other film we could watch because we had seen all the other ones. The good thing about having a best friend who lives near the cinema is that this year I have gone more than ever. :D The film was awful, so G and I talked quite a bit giving the characters voice overs. Afterwards, E invited us all to a Happy Meal, so we all talked about our funny weird things and had a good laugh. Our Horror Movie which we filmed on Halloween is on youtube now, so if anyone is interested in watching it >> search the monster is getting closer. I am the white ghost. The film makes no sense. Anyway, I finished stating the most recent reasons on my happiness. I am happy to have great friends. =D Friends with which I have NEVER argued let alone fallen out with them, and friends who well... have been... er... supportive... =D Even though we are a group of friends, we aren't always together though (unfortunately). I am now in the 10th grade, so my playtimes are only 30 minutes long, as opposed to the 2 hours the rest have. E and M are in the bilingual stream so aren't in Eli's and G's class. But we always more or less coincide in the first playtime, where G and Eli fight for me. Eli wants me to go to the toilet. G doesn't. Eli often wins. When we go out, E can almost always go. M sometimes goes, and another friend of E, Manuel sometimes turns up. G and Eli can't always come, but those are for different reasons. But yesterday, we were all together. And on Eli's birthday too. The only *cough* time they made a plan without telling me was once I went with G and his sister to watch the Golden Compass. So on the following Monday, E, M and Eli all went to watch it without telling either of us. >.< But it was OK. As for my first impressions of the 10th grade... Most are all boys... >.< And they are all day thinking about boyfriends and girlfriends and drink... And all day saying I am G's girlfriend. Or that I should go out with 'George' (a new boy in the 10th grade whom I get on quite well with, but don't like in that sense). Or stuff like that. Academically, everything has gone well though. :) That's my update. { Last Page } { Page 1 of 26 } { Next Page } |
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I want to thank EVERYONE who has visited my site and voted for it and made it in the TOP 10 under the Tamagotchi Sites list!!!
I am going to start up my V5 today 
Anyway..as soon as the match maker visits, I'll take out the batt for a while to check out my other tamas..especially my V4.5
I must apologize as my "offline life" had become more demanding. School is most important to me and I was really caught up in it with ALOT of work. Anyhow I'm glad to be back and I do hope you guys forgive me!