Shell's blog

2008-Sep-13 - Kids!!

Kids Are Quick

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TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct.. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

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2008-Sep-13 - I am thankful for.....

I AM THANKFUL:

FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED .

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING

BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME .

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH. .

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

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2008-Sep-13 - You know someone is a bestfriend if...........

Friend: calls your parents by mr. and mrs.

Best friend: calls your parents dad and mom.

Friend: has never seen you cry

Best Friend: has always had the best shoulder to cry on

Friend: never asks for anything to eat or drink

Best friend: opens the fridge and makes herself at home

Friend: asks you to write down your number.

Best friend : they ask you for their number ( cuz they can't remember it)

Friend: borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back

Best friend: has a closet full of your stuff

Friend: only knows a few things about you

Best friend: could write a biography on your life

Friend: will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing

Best friend: will always go with you

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2008-Sep-13 - Is This Shit?

HOPE THIS MAKES YOU SMILE
THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD
Well, it's shit . that's right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit,
and tell others to eat shit.

Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference
between shit and shineola. There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit,
and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.
And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!
You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!
Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head...........
Well, Shit Happens!!!

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2008-Jun-25 - Should Ben Cousins Return?

No. He broke the law a number of times and he could have prevented someone dieing. He was a good player but when he was playing at his best that was at the height of his drung and alcohol addiction. He was a number of chances and he has wasted them. He should only be able to return if he can prove that he has changed, like having 1000 drug and alcohol free days( which he has previously failed) but he shouldn't be taking drugs in the first place.

The question is how good of a player is Ben Cousins really?

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2008-Jun-18 - Why I started a this blog

I started this blog to get diffrent opinions from people I don't know and some I do know. Feel free to make a comment on any of my blogs. I write about problems in my life or my friends, issues in the world, holidays, jokes and somethimes just radom stuff.

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2008-Jun-18 - About Me

This is about my life so far.....

I am 13 and lov'n it. I was born on the 5th of Feburary 1995. I play netball, basketball and tennis. I have one brother who is 16. My Mum and Dad are the best and so is the rest of my family. My Aunty Pam has inspired me soo much because she has survived brest cancer. My Dad went down to Antarticia once for 12 months and agian for 6 months. He had to come back early because my grandma died and my brother had suffered from Terrets. In 2004 I went over to Canada and America with my Mum and Brother for 3 months( of school) which was the best. I have owned 2 chickens( Ace and Black Beuty), 2 rabbits( Snowy and Milo) and one dog( Banjo). Next Saturary I will be jetting off to Queensland for 10 days. I like going to the footy with my dad to watch my belovered saints play.This blog will be ever changing so keep waiting.

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2008-Jun-18 - Best Quote

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a
white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the
NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon."

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2008-Jun-18 - The Banana Test

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals, a Lion, a Chimpanzee,

A Giraffe, and a Squirrel, who are standing under it.

They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.

Who do you guess will win?

Your answer will reflect your personality.

So think carefully .. . . Try and answer within 30 seconds

Got your answer?

Now scroll down to see the analysis.

If your answer is:

Lion = you're dull.

Chimpanzee = you're a moron.

Giraffe = you're a complete idiot.

Squirrel = you're just hopelessly stupid.

A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS.