miriamgoesmoo

October 13th was our one year aniversary.  It was so amazing. I love him so much.

We went to see Nick and Norah's infinite playlist. It was ok. The book was sooooo much better. I was a little disapointed with the movie after reading the book. It would of been fine on it's own though.

I need a life. I'm going crazy in this house. I need to get out. I hope we get to go to that show.

Happy BirthDay to me!

HipHipHooray! I made it to twenty.

I just want to tell you I love you I love you...

Soo I'm trying to get over being sick and I actually feel better today. I'm still coughing like crazy though. I know I shouldn't of have but I just had chocolate icecream with whipped topping on top. mmmm. shame on me.

So i'm gonna be 20 on tuesday...I dunno. I guess I feel good and bad about it.

Then on the 13th it will be our one year anniversary and I couldn't be happier. I'm so excited. :D

My blogagotchi is totally dead. lol

How come you never leave me comments any more?How come you don't update?

I'm glad me and mandi are close again. I stayed up till 12 to talk to her last night.

I'm so sleepy. My sister woke me up to early. If it's noon is it a bad idea to have another cup of coffee?

I really want my iced latte! Stupid labor day!

So i guess me and Mandi are made up. Her boycandy is attempting to have a conversation with me and it's strange. There is just something about him...I can't put my finger on it. (I'm not sure I understand that expression anyways) He says that I make him nervous. I told him that I find it entertaining. I have nothing to say to him. I don't see the need.

I wish you could be truly honest with your friends. Especially one that you've had years with. But I guess it doesn't matter. My opinion doesn't matter. So why make it heard? If all it's going to do is set us back.

I ate pizza for breakfast today and now it seemed like a mistake. My belly is gurgling.

I love Jebus...

Do you ever get tired of hearing/reading that I love you?

"please use my body while i sleep"

This is what mandi said to me: Are we not talking? I know that you ARE upset with me and im sorry. Im done making excuses for myself and what i do. I love you and you are my bestest friend and we've been through so much. I dont ever wanna lose you. So yea idk...im sorry and im sorry ive been distant.

This is what I said back to her: I don't even know where to begin with you. I know that in the past i've fucked up with you but I feel like everything we've been through that i've more then made up for it. So I don't know how to feel about you. I still and always will really love you but it's like you seriously suck as a friend. I don't understand how you can for weeks tell me how much you wanna see me and then just blow me off like 3 times in a row. And I always make excuses for you and how you treat me and i'm tired of it. If you don't wanna spend time with me then fine i'm tired of begging you to love me as much as I love you. So I won't anymore. Then the shit iceing on the fucked over cake is when my cousin dies and not once in that entire week did you call me to see how I was doing. I'm not even asking for you to really be there for me but you could of have least pretended to care like you always do. I know that I have to forgive you but i'm still hurt and angry and i'm not sure how to feel about you or our friendship anymore. And what hurts the most is that you know I don't have anyone else besides you and jebus yet you would still blow me off when you know I hadn't really been out the house or had any other form of human contact.
So if I loose you where is that going to leave me?

I know it's really long but I'm proud of myself because I feel like I finally stood up for myself.

I'm so tired of her. She doesn't make time to see me when she's out here and she goes to see that stupid boy before me again then i'm not gonna make an effort to even talk to her. I can't belive she's treating me like this again and I will always fall right back into it because that is what I do because I love her so much.

After what I heard today I don't know how to feel about my cousin dieing. If I think about it i'm just gonna cry again. I hate stupid fucktards.

I am glad that I don't have to bb.sit again for 17days though. It will be a nice break. So now I know that i will atleast have some money untill october.

I love my jebus so much. He was so great with me at the funeral I will be forever in debt to him for that. I feel like I am already in many ways though.Things with him are going really great. Everyday we spend together feels like the best we ever spent together.

We even finally got to see Pineapple Express. And it wasn't the normal stoner flick either.It was actually an action comedy.

I'm glad that everyone is going back to school on wed. so I can be left the hell alone. Except I hate that jebus went back today.

"Conversation ensues and I wanna do so many things to you"

So things at the crazy dr. went well. She's nice.

It's so nice outtoday. I wanna sit out there but i'm to lazy.

Acheron still hasn't come in the mail yet. :{ I cried yesterday because i'm so frustrated with it all.

I'm so bored! I wanna get out of the house.

An actual update,

I had a dream last night about our one year anniversary. Is that wierd? I'm not sure. It's only gonna be 10 months.

I love that he stayed lastnight and made pudding with me. It was so nice to have someone next to me in the kitchen. And you like to stir! I hate stirring lol.

I get to go see a crazy dr in less then a week. I'm scared/nervous. I don't know what to say.

I just want it to be the 5th so I can get my book in the mail. If I don't i'm gonna have a fit.

I guess I should go do some studying but i'm so hungry I can't think.

"The Future Freaks Me Out"

If I could be any one any where I would be Amanda Palmer.

astronaut

Suppose I never, ever met you Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never, ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft Suppose I never, ever saw you
Suppose you never, ever called Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost In the sounds I hear in my mind
All these voices I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind All of this music

I love that song. It kinda makes me think of us. I'm so cranky today. All I wanted to do was stay in bed and sleep and ofcourse I can't sleep. I went to bad at 1 again but still couldn't sleep past 8. I miss waking up at 10.

I'm so happy with everything that is going on with us. I don't think that it can get any better than this. I'm just getting worried about when august comes around. What if he starts school and doesn't have time for me anymore. I really need a job, but what if that makes it even worse for us. I don't wanna grow apart. :(

Why are you not going out with the person you want to?
But I am.

I have been listening to alot of cute it is what we aim for so don't judge me. lol

I guess I had a moment of weakness last entry. I know i'm flighty. It's just me.

I love him so...

Things have been going great. I feel like it's all working out and maybe it will actually stay that way.

I'm so excited for august 5th. The new a.g. c.d. and the the new s.k. book comes out.

And you want to be dressed in poetry
But imagery doesn't fit
And you want resizing
But darling dear get a grip

And I think what I just wrote is going over my head
I'm stealing lines from myself
And what I said was never said
It's just a lyrical lie
Made up in my mind

Obviously..I'm here for you to use broken and bruised.

I am I really am.

I have been a mess without him. I don't like being this dependent on anyone. It always happens though.I can never get returned what I put out. Even with her. Just once in my life I want to feel like this:"It's only you, beautiful. Or I don't want anyone. If I can choose, it's only you. But how could I miscalculate...perfect lies from a perfect dame. If I can choose... it's only you."

I hate me for being like everyone else to them. "So take me and break me and make me strong like you.
I'll be forever grateful to this and you."